I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
