I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
