my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
