i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
