if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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