Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
