Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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