I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well you can't waste a boner
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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