you guys were way drunker than both of me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
