Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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