Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
