I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
