quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
