i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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