i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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