you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
