I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
