Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
