I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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