Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
