I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Terrible idea I love it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
