During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
