I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
