I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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