On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
