If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
