Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
