What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
