Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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