those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
