I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
