just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
