I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
