my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
