Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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