can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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