I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
