Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
