All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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