I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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