you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
