I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
