His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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