I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
