she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
