Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
