He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
