you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
