How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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