Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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