Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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